can you be trusted?

i found out that his hp got a message called fannie which send him " love ya alot" !! i really dunno what does this sentence mean ? i was veri sad and he kept confronted and asked me what happen but i keep telling him that nothing happened. because i dun wish to know the fact, i scare i wil cry , i scare i wil hurt by him .. when we sleeping , he told me he love me , but i have no respond at that moment as i kept thinking that did he msg her and told her the same way as he did to me now! i sense that he crying over my coldness and ignorance but what can i do , i too hurt to think and understand .. simply i just closed my eyes and say good night to him and sleep .. that the only solution for existing of pain , don't you think so ?

thursday18/1/07
wake up at 11 plus in the morning, and he still sleeping . so i wrote our daily life style in a diary , and i think is very meaningful and when he wake up , he read it.. and asked me what happened yesterday . i dun dare to speak up in front of him but just beat about the bush and i started to cry . he told me that a misunderstanding, he said that the gal is her junior staff and she fall out of love and he console her and she treat him as a " big bro" .. she send "love ya lot" is just simply a friend care. i am jealous , i am angry but what to do , since he convince me , i just have to put a smile and told him i understand!!!

we went to eat at 289 and i went back home about 4 pm and i have to be quick cause i meeting him 6pm at boon lay .. i scared i late again ..

Sigh i late again , he reached that at 6pm but i still make up , so he got baleno and waited for me . i reached there about 6.30 pm ..haha den we go jp and walk walk and take cab heading to imm cause i reserved a boots from serene , so i have to go and see whether is nice. after talking to serene , den me and dear go diaso cause i wan buy things , buy eye brows shaver , mean while serene came to meet us cause she off work le. stupid dear keep asking me to take umbrella for him , make me look like typical auntie .. den we walk here and there. finally i saw my shop , face shop , i m so happy cause i alot of things to buy .. i brought one eyes brow pencil and one eyes shadow cost me $21 le.. and the sale gal veri funny and cute tel me buy nail polish cause today going increase the price so i faster choose .. i brought 4 bottle and she discount for me and she give me alot of sample creame tel me take take ..haha .. indeed she a nice lady ...so fun to talk to her !! went to giant and brought tissues box and cotton pad to dear house cause i need it ma, i felt something , i felt that i become a aunty .. haha ... go smoke with serene and dear go buy guay for mummie eat ! after he came to find us , serene going to find her coffee club and dear and me take cab back home.. reached home , i give some sample creme for mummie used and we watch television together waiting for the show to end and we go to eat.. lazy to wear nice so wear a pjymas and go eat with him .. after eating , wenr back home and he went to bathe ,but me sleep like a pig , dunno why i so tired!! we felt that everytime came back from imm , i wil be veri sleepy, maybe there got virus better e careful next time..

maybe i too tired le and too happy at imm cause keep laughing and all that so keep dreaming.. dear say i snored so loud lo .. and keep saying dream words such as serene cooked food for coffee club but not for me .. den later shout and say got crocodile around me..haah.. morning dear told me , we both laughed ... i like a kids to him .. bla la la.. reached home .. sleep again , now going to bathe and make up ... to be continued!

believing!!!

He is the only one who make me believe that true love existed in this world. we almost spend the time together and sure there wil be happiness and sadness like quarrel and i often lose my temper but he still willigly to tolerate and coax me . he make me realise what is love !! sudden i fear of losing him , fear that one day he leaving me . every words he told me on that night really melt my heart and i feel so touch. when i sick , he took care of me over the night and make me eat my medicine on time . he rush down to the clinic to see me even he have important task to do and he concern me when i feel pain . sometime somehow i feel like cry , i cry because i feel so happy that i met him in my life. never regret to make him mine. everytime he scold me cause he care for me ! now trying to quit smoking and quit my job .. his birthday is coming , dunno what to buy for him! sigh .. cause he love to eat and i love to eat too, now we are like pig , always eat and sleep! love him since 28 of dec , we have been together for 20 days!!!

new start of day!!

never even notice when we started to have affection in each other ! never even noticed when we started to love and care each other so much .. for this special guy , i sarcrifice that 2 years guy . this guy really let me forget al my bad memories. he make me believed something in love . making me trust in love and have a sense of sercurity in him..i never ever feel this kind of feeling towards with other guy before ! have this fear to lose him! this fews day we have been together, he treat me so sweet .. sometimes i just wondering what he thinking when he beside me in his silence..i dare not think of our future , cause i scare i put a pin hope and i fall , i will deeply hurt..
yesterday, his grand mom passed away , he stil come down and find me drink . i know he veri sad but he dun wanna cry until the end of the day . he cried ! seeing he crying , i suddenly break down , i feel so useless cause i hope the one who sad and suffer is me and not him.. i dunno what to do but just to wipe his tears and see him crying , making my tears drop too! he told me sorry that he cant give me happiness but sadness, but i told him that a couple not onli go through for happiness but also have to share woes too!! i wil always be there for him!!going to his ah ma funeral , i'm sick , but i wil not fall so easily! love him