can you be trusted?

i found out that his hp got a message called fannie which send him " love ya alot" !! i really dunno what does this sentence mean ? i was veri sad and he kept confronted and asked me what happen but i keep telling him that nothing happened. because i dun wish to know the fact, i scare i wil cry , i scare i wil hurt by him .. when we sleeping , he told me he love me , but i have no respond at that moment as i kept thinking that did he msg her and told her the same way as he did to me now! i sense that he crying over my coldness and ignorance but what can i do , i too hurt to think and understand .. simply i just closed my eyes and say good night to him and sleep .. that the only solution for existing of pain , don't you think so ?

thursday18/1/07
wake up at 11 plus in the morning, and he still sleeping . so i wrote our daily life style in a diary , and i think is very meaningful and when he wake up , he read it.. and asked me what happened yesterday . i dun dare to speak up in front of him but just beat about the bush and i started to cry . he told me that a misunderstanding, he said that the gal is her junior staff and she fall out of love and he console her and she treat him as a " big bro" .. she send "love ya lot" is just simply a friend care. i am jealous , i am angry but what to do , since he convince me , i just have to put a smile and told him i understand!!!

we went to eat at 289 and i went back home about 4 pm and i have to be quick cause i meeting him 6pm at boon lay .. i scared i late again ..

Sigh i late again , he reached that at 6pm but i still make up , so he got baleno and waited for me . i reached there about 6.30 pm ..haha den we go jp and walk walk and take cab heading to imm cause i reserved a boots from serene , so i have to go and see whether is nice. after talking to serene , den me and dear go diaso cause i wan buy things , buy eye brows shaver , mean while serene came to meet us cause she off work le. stupid dear keep asking me to take umbrella for him , make me look like typical auntie .. den we walk here and there. finally i saw my shop , face shop , i m so happy cause i alot of things to buy .. i brought one eyes brow pencil and one eyes shadow cost me $21 le.. and the sale gal veri funny and cute tel me buy nail polish cause today going increase the price so i faster choose .. i brought 4 bottle and she discount for me and she give me alot of sample creame tel me take take ..haha .. indeed she a nice lady ...so fun to talk to her !! went to giant and brought tissues box and cotton pad to dear house cause i need it ma, i felt something , i felt that i become a aunty .. haha ... go smoke with serene and dear go buy guay for mummie eat ! after he came to find us , serene going to find her coffee club and dear and me take cab back home.. reached home , i give some sample creme for mummie used and we watch television together waiting for the show to end and we go to eat.. lazy to wear nice so wear a pjymas and go eat with him .. after eating , wenr back home and he went to bathe ,but me sleep like a pig , dunno why i so tired!! we felt that everytime came back from imm , i wil be veri sleepy, maybe there got virus better e careful next time..

maybe i too tired le and too happy at imm cause keep laughing and all that so keep dreaming.. dear say i snored so loud lo .. and keep saying dream words such as serene cooked food for coffee club but not for me .. den later shout and say got crocodile around me..haah.. morning dear told me , we both laughed ... i like a kids to him .. bla la la.. reached home .. sleep again , now going to bathe and make up ... to be continued!

believing!!!

He is the only one who make me believe that true love existed in this world. we almost spend the time together and sure there wil be happiness and sadness like quarrel and i often lose my temper but he still willigly to tolerate and coax me . he make me realise what is love !! sudden i fear of losing him , fear that one day he leaving me . every words he told me on that night really melt my heart and i feel so touch. when i sick , he took care of me over the night and make me eat my medicine on time . he rush down to the clinic to see me even he have important task to do and he concern me when i feel pain . sometime somehow i feel like cry , i cry because i feel so happy that i met him in my life. never regret to make him mine. everytime he scold me cause he care for me ! now trying to quit smoking and quit my job .. his birthday is coming , dunno what to buy for him! sigh .. cause he love to eat and i love to eat too, now we are like pig , always eat and sleep! love him since 28 of dec , we have been together for 20 days!!!

new start of day!!

never even notice when we started to have affection in each other ! never even noticed when we started to love and care each other so much .. for this special guy , i sarcrifice that 2 years guy . this guy really let me forget al my bad memories. he make me believed something in love . making me trust in love and have a sense of sercurity in him..i never ever feel this kind of feeling towards with other guy before ! have this fear to lose him! this fews day we have been together, he treat me so sweet .. sometimes i just wondering what he thinking when he beside me in his silence..i dare not think of our future , cause i scare i put a pin hope and i fall , i will deeply hurt..
yesterday, his grand mom passed away , he stil come down and find me drink . i know he veri sad but he dun wanna cry until the end of the day . he cried ! seeing he crying , i suddenly break down , i feel so useless cause i hope the one who sad and suffer is me and not him.. i dunno what to do but just to wipe his tears and see him crying , making my tears drop too! he told me sorry that he cant give me happiness but sadness, but i told him that a couple not onli go through for happiness but also have to share woes too!! i wil always be there for him!!going to his ah ma funeral , i'm sick , but i wil not fall so easily! love him

pay day and shopping day

go shopping with darling and we go to face shop amd i brought so mani products such as 3 facial masks for $12 , red sand facial cleanser for $18.90, peeling off system for $24.90, fast and quick acne creame for $14.90 , body lotion for$19.90, make up base for $16.90. we spend over $100 at face shop and den e gal tel me to apply for member.. and i recieved a vocher.. so happy.. we also went beauty basic to buy cotton for$7.9 and fake eyes lashes $3.9.. after that we went to pasta mania and eat 1 large hawaila pizza.. 2 chicken bologense spatt and 2 set of combo b which provide soup , 2 garlic bread and 1 drinks.. i order another bluberry soda .. taste nicer den fruit punch... veri rush in time cause i going to be late for work.. lucky , my fetch came and pick me up..

31st of nov

today went out with jane to bugis.. and also go take my pay, it is $347 cheque, so need to walk to posb bank and withdraw money.............

chun brought this special rose for me....

at sakae sushi with dear eating...

shopping with my darling , he look so blurrrrrr

thank him for giving such a special moments





another bunch of red rose sent by.......


my 17th gift , given by sis , bro and bf.. thank alot .. i love them

celebration for my sw33t 17th birthday

3 plus in e noon went out with chun go and eat sakae sushi.. after eating we went to walk walk..and we go take some neo prints, it is fun cause so long nv took any neo prints le.. old le.. went to walk again , and suddenly i have a gastric pain so we sat down at mos burger and slack.. waiting for time to past .. 7 .30 dear came back from toilet and he hold a bunch of cute rose to me, omg i was so touched.. love it alot , and we took some photo with this rose and we went off to outram and meet the rest..and me chun and blue tooth went to curious and wait for e rest to come.. when ireach curious , saw my boss he give me a bunch of rose say a person sent e but i still dunno who it is, and he gave me a hong bong ... kelly and kat gimme a citigems jewellery , joyce gimme a more than words keychain.. i love it alot.. about 8.30 , we go downstair and open a chivas and wait for my sis and fren come.. soon colin come and he open a bombay for me and give me a muee lighter , ting and christina give me a poclin bag and , miki and serlin give me a tops , serene give me a ebase tops , kat mummie n kelly open me a bomb ( canton) $600 for me. 9 plus i already drunk le , niam just came and she give me a dog bear with a necklace , jayson also came and look for me.. desmond came and give me a bunch of blue rose. ah fai came and brought me a lighter and a birthday card .. elvin came and give me a necklace.. danny came and open a cordon blue for me.. some happening that make him angry.. i dunno wat is it cause i damn fucking drunk .. crystal came and she pass me e dxo ticket and she fight with kelly .. hai.. ying and bro came curious find me and waited for me to go dxo and i drunk until my present is given niam to take care of and i also forget to wear back my heels.. lucky bluetooth told me..and i seh seh go dxo.. and reaching there i found out that where is al my rose my fren give me , i left it at curious.. i faster take cab go there again and took my rose and went back dxo again.. wtf , the bouncer dun let me enter cause i m fucking drunk and he tel me go wash face 1st .. in e end . still go in and dance with serene and the rest .. is fun .. ting went home den followed by serene den me and chun and bluetooth also take cab go central eat cause veri hungry sia.. and saw linda , ly, aron they al.. after eating went chun hse and stay.. even though i drunk that night but still i wanna thank everyone who came for my birthday and i reali veri happy and glad for al ur wishes . asap, bf, sis and bro.. sorry everyone i drunk and make alot of them worry..

studying day!!

tuesday 17 oct , wake up quite early and decided to go gekkie there to take back al e papers she have kept for me for a long while.. finally i was free to take from her..i have the urge to study and so i went to library with chun with my heavy stupid bag consisit chem notes , pencil case , maths 5 years series and a fool scape.. what the hell i'm doing , brought so much stuff..anyway is fine with me , cause he is gonna help me take my bag .. haha , i am such a bully..reach e library and we go to cafe and have our tea break.. i have 2 hot dog bun and home made lime juice , chun is a big eater, he ate 1 egg prata and 2 without egg and drink ice lemon tea.. their food price is affordable.. the hot dog and e bun i ate is veri crispy maybe they overcooked or EXPIRED.. hey , i forget to tel everyone of u , i 'm a hotdog eater .. that y i ate 2 hotdog bun.. hehe..after awhile gekkie come and pass me e papers and books, thank alot stupid gekkie..

after smoking, heading back to e library and started to revise my chem and do some silly stuff such as write out a law agreement and rules for chun ... haha , i such a idiot cause i too bored.. so i need some stupid stuff to entertain me.. after some fight with him , he have break the rules so he gonna pay out the fine $2100 on 3 days time.. i gonna be rich after 3 days.. before going home , i lend a book called" confession of a serial dater" , i search for so long, finally searched a book that suited me.. its the end of my study time!

darling gal message me she gonna come for my birthday and crystal called me wat i wan for my birthday, miki called and say she gonna buy hp jewel sticker and help me paste.. such a thoughtful darling.. love them ...

studying day!!

tuesday 17 oct , wake up quite early and decided to go gekkie there to take back al e papers she have kept for me for a long while.. finally i was free to take from her..i have the urge to study and so i went to library with chun with my heavy stupid bag consisit chem notes , pencil case , maths 5 years series and a fool scape.. what the hell i'm doing , brought so much stuff..anyway is fine with me , cause he is gonna help me take my bag .. haha , i am such a bully..reach e library and we go to cafe and have our tea break.. i have 2 hot dog bun and home made lime juice , chun is a big eater, he ate 1 egg prata and 2 without egg and drink ice lemon tea.. their food price is affordable.. the hot dog and e bun i ate is veri crispy maybe they overcooked or EXPIRED.. hey , i forget to tel everyone of u , i 'm a hotdog eater .. that y i ate 2 hotdog bun.. hehe..after awhile gekkie come and pass me e papers and books, thank alot stupid gekkie..

after smoking, heading back to e library and started to revise my chem and do some silly stuff such as write out a law agreement and rules for chun ... haha , i such a idiot cause i too bored.. so i need some stupid stuff to entertain me.. after some fight with him , he have break the rules so he gonna pay out the fine $2100 on 3 days time.. i gonna be rich after 3 days.. before going home , i lend a book called" confession of a serial dater" , i search for so long, finally searched a book that suited me.. its the end of my study time!

darling gal message me she gonna come for my birthday and crystal called me wat i wan for my birthday, miki called and say she gonna buy hp jewel sticker and help me paste.. such a thoughtful darling.. love them ...

* GOING oFf SOON *

going to leave soon on thurs night!! the feeling is defintiely excited and anxious but stil feel abit sad cause i cant c the person i wanted to see for long .. Maybe he have forgotten everything about it and since he wanted to ignored me and i think there no need me to go bother him anymore because he is the want who give up.. EvEN thought i cant bear to lose him , but i know that it not worth for me to cry again !! EvEN picture may faded , but memories wil always stay in my heart .. Now i can only see our pictures and think the memories u have given me .. Thank alot!! Nowdays, staying at home always eat , eat and eat .. until my mom scared of me .. keep buying lot of food for me everyday.. she thought it is a big attack for me that y i change alot in my diet cause i use to eat less but after e break off ...... i change alot.. Nevertheless, this big blow to me is a reflection of myself , it make me much more stronger than before and my mind is blank and i m so numb of al those things.. Some times i feel so weak and tired of al this kind of things, please god dun make me go insane and crazy... I never wake up from my dream , may lucified stay in my heart .. jealousy. greedy. love. al 7 desire

21st of oct celebrate my birthday at curious pub.. hope there wil b 32 of them be there.. love ya peep .. bibi, serene, jess, joyce,carol, serlin, stacy, miki, kelly, ice, rayne , niam , crystal , guan fu, chun jian , wei kiat, lyk , lung yu, zheng ming, lai he,zheng yang, robin, joshua, elvin, kelvin, danny, edwin , jason ( canto), desmond, andy, colin, alex... etc some more

nEw LIfE !!

I have pierce my belly navel on few days back cost me $45 with a crystal stud , but i love it alot . but actually quite pain n itchy cause it like a bit swollen so i can't eat any sea food , so pity.. My mother is funny keep saying my body is just like an art pieces , cause recently i have a butterfly tattoo on my hips plus a tattoo in e past on my back .. amd a scropion on my stomach n now another belly pierce.. What m i gonna to do next ? But i never imagine i wil have a tattoo in e past but now .. hai .. wat done cannot be undone .. just let it be .. accept me for who m i , i love the way i m now .. NexT , i wil not think alot so much in e future . thank niam niam n my precious sis n fren who advise n scold me for being too emotional. Is defintely hard for me to forget something in just 1 day , but i wil tried n tried cause is not worth for me to be sad n pain anymore.. I happy with chun chun now , he treat me reali nice just i dun like him to be veri possesive and easily to get jealous.. Lastly , i have being drunk since july , haven being awake for so long , i now trying to lead a normal life like others again and be a good gal .. DUN CLUB too much and DUN ALWAYS DRINK..

BreAk OfF...

is this reali a ending of us ? i have message him that dun b apart but he dun even bother to reply! maybe he have already dun love me anymore , maybe from the start it just a one sided love. i keep hoping for him to cal me n message me that we used to be.. i veri sad n hurt that i cant get into sleep. mani frens tel me that is not used to give in this realationship at al but i keep lying myself that he love me .. he belongs to me. but yesterday when i crying , thinking back al the things we did . i felt that is only me who are concern n care abt this relationship of ours . No matter what he do in e past , i dun mind at all, i just wished that he put me into his heart . But from now on , everything is over, he dun love me anymore and i cant get to see him anymore . Hope that he will miss me one day, and he wil return to my side again !! I do love him alot , i still remember the things we did and promised

misery life!!

I was drunk on sat 23 of sept again.. after my work at curious , i go to the pub n find him waiting for him to finish work .. i think abt 6 plus , we go off from the pub. but i just simply farking drunk n dunno wat i m doing.. all i know is that he was veri angry and keep shouting at me on car.. in e end he put me off at the road side cause a guy call me n he reali veri crazy and telling me he want to break off with me .. i wanted to explain everything , but he just lock e door n drive off.. this is e ending of our realationship.

COMMIT SUCIDE

I hate to c the person i love with someone else , but i surely hate my love with me is unhappy. my heart feel deeply hurt by someone since 15.04.05 . it already 3 months le , y can't i just get al over it.. i dunno why , but my heart is crying every night . every day hoping for your return and hoping to c ur msg . but it just my illusion ! he would't come back anymore ! STEPH pls set him free from my world , he does not belong to me.. pls set me free from this world ,bring me to a world that are free; let my tears stop rolling , let my heart TO be hard ..

LET ME IN MY ILLUSION WORLD .... LET ME BE IN MY IMAGINATION DREAM ... LET ME HEALS MY HURTS.... DON'T WAKE ME UP ANYMORE ..

HATE TO LIVE IN THIS WORLD , IS FULL OF PAIN AND HURT ...

JOIN ME IN DEATH , PLS CALL : 98419149

dollies is me

one day past so fast , yestersay night go central with ting den go buy food for my mother eat , den 12 am plus go down to meet ah long and his fren , he crazy de , drive so fast den my shirt behind al move up . oh my god , run lights sia .. scary driver haha . but is fun to hang out with them .. we drive to west coast eat prata.. i eat double egg prata and drink milo dinoasaur , so full. after eating finished drive me home cause he 5 .30 am need to reach camp . he drive super fast,his full tank become half tank . my helmet like going to drop off .. but overall is fun and is the way to spend my time... cause i in bad mood , fight with someone that y i going for some happening ..

It's pARtY TimEs

Finally o level chinese finished , very difficult, but wat can it be done just wait n c lo .. now is the time enjoy myself , yesterday at night mei ting come n meet me den go pm meet ah chun they al , so long nv meet them le , oh my god they work like hell . by looking their face they seem to be veri tired... we go home abt 10 plus den 11 plus come down again meet the priincceess QUi LI .. so long nv c her le , she still de same alway do things veri rush de. hai she fight with her bf again, her leg bleed.. hai she seem to be veri sad but she dun xpress it onli , we 8 yr fren le nothing can hide me de lo.. she keep saying guy are al bad , ya i also agree with that. den we slack at ther with her fren uncle they al .haha den 1 plus they dunno wanna go wher den i go home lo cause tire also .. happy to meet her , still the same lo keep taking lot of pic and play around . Today MOS underage party , wee at wee ..

27th may'06

o level is coming soon , so must study n study ... hope that can clear this chinese paper den can concentrate on other weakest subject . on sat , 8pm go out meet my frens at boon lay den went to cineleisure eating and wanted to wait for wei ting . in the end quite late liao . den my fren drive me and my fren go ms .. i thought today can go r & b club but in the end go rush . the techno is going to burst my head. i gonna mad , the 1st time go club so boring cause al is techno den alot of bad people , simply not fun at al . until when is closing , den they play r & b , finally can wake up le .. sweaty , yuckzz... morning gonna go home and sleep whole day n mon go take exam ...

broken dreams story

25 may, i think things have past about 1 month le , time have change between him and me. I wish that everything is just like a dream , but is impossible. i nid him so much that i being hurt deeply , noone can ever felt my heart is totally broken . whenever seeing him i just giving a smile but did anyone noe that inside my heart is crying ! i always in bed thinking whether he missing me like the past ? ever put me in his heart like the past .. i feel so miserable without him , love is always so unfair. i hate to cry , hate to being hurt but why must it occured in me . what have things go wrong ! you love a person but he dun love you , you dun love a person but he love you . is this a joke !he never know i exist in his world, he never know how much he mean to me and he dunno how much i love him . i thought to myself that sooner or later i wil forget him but i failed . i always thought i win my happinese but now i feel the world have desert me in a dark corner ; i lose to someone. i know that he wil never turn back to me again and hold on to me . he totally forget who m i , his heart have already be replaced by someone else. let me cry my heart out , let me hold on to a dreamz that untrue . one day he wil realise how much i care him.....

BrOkEn dREaMs

dancing , drinking dollies

clubbing actually is fun . just whether using wat type of attitude to club onli . recently just went to coco latta at clark quak , it is fun .. even is veri crowded at there . but more people more merrier right ? the song at there is nice too but the pole at there is inconvience for us to dance cause the pole area is too small .. overall the atmosphere is nice cause it look like hell , make people damn high .. super high ... if ya wannna go club pls ask a person tt r sporty ,daring , fun loving , sociable and crazy. do not club with someone who have curfew , stingy, petty ,conservative and push u aside.... so club in a right attitude , and u will find the fun in every club .. last of al , be careful the guy in the club , they may not be good as wat u think , so dun ever judge a person look and forget ur everything ...

dancing , drinking dollies

clubbing actually is fun . just whether using wat type of attitude to club onli . recently just went to coco latta at clark quak , it is fun .. even is veri crowded at there . but more people more merrier right ? the song at there is nice too but the pole at there is inconvience for us to dance cause the pole area is too small .. overall the atmosphere is nice cause it look like hell , make people damn high .. super high ... if ya wannna go club pls ask a person tt r sporty ,daring , fun loving , sociable and crazy. do not club with someone who have curfew , stingy, petty ,conservative and push u aside.... so club in a right attitude , and u will find the fun in every club .. last of al , be careful the guy in the club , they may not be good as wat u think , so dun ever judge a person look and forget ur everything ...