I dream of you last night,
I know i shouldnt .


After hearing someone told me bout something ,
Ya i should admit your expectation too high .
Yup , i'm ugly .
i never be pretty in your heart .
Cos you always have so much more prettier lady beside you.
I cant even compared .


I just dont suit you at all,
Cos you never treat me as one before.

You never even care ,
always that cold in the end.







Let me be the ugly one who stained your heart..





Packing my luggage now , going off later on...
How i wished that .................
Ok , i'm rushing time now.

Bye everyone..
i Miss you !

27th aug 08 wed

Fcuking sick , feel very uncomfortable again .
LADIES NIGHT.
meet up gal frens again :)




yup , i wear that wig .
ppls thought i go perm my hair till like this..
But i really love my hair that night.






So special on that night .
LADIES drinks all
"sex on the beach "
my favourite drinks , i gulped 5 glasses.

After dancing , i feel something wrong w my body again .
it seems like i going to faint anytime .
Maybe before drink i taken some medicine so
my face getting red and i abit high.

1.30 went back home ,
is like so early .
But i know my body really cant take it .
Went back home ,
i started to squat at the toilet bowl and vomited blood
and start to vomit alot of things .
Very uncomfortable , my gastric super pain when i vomited.


Afraid that my gastric got one big hole :(


Ok , dun think so much then .

My gastric gave me a pro since ytd.
Suck , i feel like digging all my gastric and intestine out.


I'm such a good gal today ,
went to visit my grandma .
Also help to take care of janelle and shanon baby.

When i saw shanon baby,
i missed his daddy ; my uncle so much.
She resembled of her daddy.






As time goes by ,
His face fading.
I feel so much better now.


Still i will never forget the things u told me.

Overjoyed but dun Overspent.

Yeah , my credit cards arrived.

Both cards approved,
VISA & AMEX

With this cards , make my life more easier.




My wig Arrived too:)
Surprised !!!
First time i wear a wig , think it would b so werid.

But i love it cos is made of human hair
and japan wave !

i gonna eat my medicine , i cant skipped anymore.
i feel so pained now.
fcukshit

Forget the times he walked by, Forget the times he made you cry,
Forget the times he spoke your name, Remember now your not the same.
Forget the times he held your hand, Forget the sweet things if you can,

There are times when I cant decide
whether to see you or not,
I want to see you because I miss you
but there are times when I dont want to see you
because everytime I do,
the fact that you dont see me the way
that I see you hurts me even more ...

I'm not supposed to love you,
I'm not supposed to care,
I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there,
I'm not supposed to wonder where you are and what to do,
I'm sorry I can't help myself,
I'm in love with you.

26th Aug 08 Mon


I breakdown after i knew the outcome for uncle case.
Sentence 55 , 3 to 8 yrs no visit or discount.
Is just like life sentence.

Bro came and pick me up again,
and i cried when i board his car.
I really couldnt control my emotional.
Went to suntec to have dinner
and discussed about the case.

After dinner , went over to golden mile Thai disco 2.
Never went there before.
Went there find his thai gf.
PRETTY & SLIM!!


he ordered 30 glass of tequila ,
I drank more than 10 glasses.
2 more jug of beer.
There is so fun w the lifeband and beautiful gals.
Went outside cried and smoke..
Tipsy !!!!

Home sweet home.

I think i cried so badly .
My eyes swollen like a fishballs.
Hangover ! sucks.

Gastric pain , SHIT!
I have not touched my medicine again.

25th Aug 08 sun

pale and eyeswollen.


Dun wish to go out , kinda moody.
Dun wish to do anything.

Jason bro come pick me up to
take my items . Blog shopping again!
88 eyeshadow palettes .

I must thank Jason bro alot
for trying his very best for helping my uncle case.
Thank :) Appreciated

get 88 rather 120.



Watch late night movie at Cine.
Went over to HK cafe to have some snack
while waiting for time to go into theatre.
Ya , we talked alot abt BGR.
He really wake me up.

4BIA , the thai horror movie .
Really so SCARY.
After the show , my mind gone blank .
But i felt so relived after all the shouting .




Is been a while i watched movie.
I so afraid to do so esp at cine.
This night , i take a big courage .

I walk pass the path we walked before.
So many things flashed through my mind.
Still i smiled and walked off.

Did i get over it?

I think i should.

the simplest make up! No lense , No creative..



23 Aug 08

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOAN .


celebrated at BQ mini pub.
Ya reserved two table but i think not enough.
Nowadays keep drinking martell rather than chivas.
Anyway as long is liquor , i fine with it :)

Sweety

Benny , thank been here when i'm down.


As far as i know , all my gal friends
including me all so emo last night.
Not as crazy like last time we used to be.

You know why?

FALL OUT OF LOVE!!



The emo side


Love them

The very improper

Coincidentally saw my gal at MP.

Whatever it is , i have to stay strong .
My life still need to carry on.
Even though you keep appear in my mind ,
i couldnt hold back the tears.
I will wipe off all the tears
and stand up again.

Because i knew that you love me no more.

Everytime hooked on to my handphone ,
urged to call you .
I afraid i will cry when i heard your voice
through the phone.

Can you see how much i need you everyday.

I missed you.

Going off for a holiday , the feeling should be excited
but i not , indeed i feel that i have a burden in my heart.
I'm such a cry baby.

I have so much things to tell you.
Have you pass by my blog and understand how i feel?
Can you touch your heart and answer me
do you ever love me?

Do you think i stupid?

You telling me that health is more important .
But do you know what is my priority?


No matter How many peoples told me is worthless,
i wont be bothered.
cause i always trust the way how i feel,
how about you?

Do you think is worth for all?


Can we stop playing all this mind game.

22 aug 08

i'm such a shame that i tears at bus interchange while
waiting for bus.
i really couldnt control my emotional anymore.

i wanna burst..


After dinner , went over to Pasir Panjang 238 pub w
benny meeting pei pei and cindy over there.
The atmosphere quite good , nice place to chill.
while drinking , i thought about my uncle again .
i tears again ; i just too worried about him and also
i do miss him right now.

ok , i think i drank almost whole of the barrier
when benny have stopped drinking.
i think i only want to numb myself.
While helping cindy to solve her problem ,
i be thinking about him.

Last of all , i cried on the cab .
Eventually i shout out all my sadness and so fro.


Why he can live so well without me , while me
live so much of pain?
Why should i sitting down there
waiting and waiting ?
Why should i keep numb myself to stop all fuck thinking in my mind?
Why should i trust you ?
Why should i step forward?
Why he giving me hope again and again ?

Seriously , i never have a true laughter ever
since this things happened.
When can it stopped?
When can i go back to those crazy me?
When can i let it go?


I dun wish to die with this sorrow within me.

Shit !!

when i sat on the toilet bowl in this morning
to piss. i saw lumps of blood clot on panty.
Omg, is damn lot ..
This time round , really freak me off.
What actually happened , i myself not sure also.

went to clinic and consult doctor.
Low blood again n need to eat iron pills,
Or else i may faint anytime.
Scary man.
Doc told me whether i wanted to test urine.
How to test as all the urine is blood?
He say that's possible for 'MISCARRIAGE".
HUH???
How can it be?
Crazy man, before went out still told me to buy
a pregnancy kits if this continue on.
I think he have some problem in his brain..




Something happened today ,
heard from my mother that my uncle get caught by
police for loanshark case.
After knowing , my heart sunk.
I tears when i think about the things about us.

We already never talk for almost 1 years.
But everyone who close to me,
definitely knew how much he used to pampered me like his daughter.
I used to reveal my things to him ,
and we always talked like no tomorrow.
He always there for me to protect me when i need help.
He really helped me through lot things for me and my family.

This is the only Kind man i ever seen before in my life.

Uncle ,

i will prayed for your return
every now and then.
everyone was so worried cause we not sure where you are now.
I hope u will stay strong.

Last of all,
this word have kept it to myself for so long.
Due to my stubbornest , it drift us apart.

SORRY , UNCLE.

21th aug 08

HAPPY ADVANCE BDAY TO JOAN




yesterday , emotional again .
broke down to tear while listening song.
Till now i still don even know what i really want from him .

However still thank for the short message u sent me.
perhaps , is also a answer to me.
Which is a negative!

LADIES NIGHT.



Ya , have been a long time i club at ARENA
drink voka lime all long.
And i keep drinking glass by glass without stopping.
Is not sipped , Is gulped.
Kelly and miki come along to join us
and drink again.
Saw chan benny there and he went into Attica .
Went there find him and chit chat followed by dancing.
The song at Attica is nice !

Awhile later , cindy going off with her friend .
After she went off , i realised that havent took any picture with her:(

We cam whore outside the club.
Everyone high , high ,high!

After all , i really enjoyed the night.
So blessed that i not a drunkard that night ,
or else i will b like a cry baby.

As we promised , next week ARENA again .
Move Move Shake Shake till dawn.